Semi-Pro

Dir: Kent Alterman
Starring: Will Ferrell, Andre Benjamin

Oh, people, is this bad! How many more sports can Ferrell and his comedy buddies go through before they run out of ideas? Ah! I see they ran out of ideas ages ago.

Shock: it's another "kitsch" 70's setting about a failing team. Throw in some afros and a disco party, loose morals and a slack tongue, and you pretty much get the idea.

The few moments of brilliance, which there inevitably are, are dimmed by an otherwise awful script and obvious gags. Andre Benjamin (he's the guy from Outkast, as you all know) is a nice touch - the dude has a good sense of comedy timing and seems to be able to play basketball rather well.

How they got away with 12 (UK) rating I'll never know. Foul play!

Bad!

The Deer Hunter

Dir: Michael Cimino
Starring: Bob DeNiro, John Cazale
Year: 1978
Running Time: 412 minutes

I'm never a fan of film-related trivia, but The Deer Hunter has one interesting fact: John Cazale was dying of cancer as he made the film and died shortly after. Plus he was engaged to Meryl Streep, who also stars in this film, at the time.

Anyway, about the film. The Deer Hunter is another psychological war drama. Well, that's not strictly true. A whole heap of it is set before the characters go to war, just showing them in their daily lives. The war section is surprisingly short, but is rather well put together aside from the horrible use of stock footage - what is this, a Marx brothers film?

You can't argue with the cast. This is probably the best role I've seen DeNiro in. The same for Walken. Cazale is good/annoying as ever. The film itself, however, is overlong and rather dull. There is a whole one-hour section, when DeNiro returns to the US only to go back to Nam again, which really shouldn't be in there.

Even if you condensed it to 90 minutes, I still think you would have a fairly dull film. It offers a powerful statement about the effects of war, and how much more important friends are than your country.

It's just not entertaining, though.

Bad!

Mad Max

Dir: George Miller
Starring: Mel Gibson
Year: 1979

I've got to tell ye, I did not like this film. Visually, it's beautiful and it had a few moments of greatness, with cat and mouse style chases, and a build up of tension that led to a cascade of action... but overall I found it too intense and disturbing.

Word up to Brian May for his crappy soundtrack.

By today's standards the car chases are still respectable but not spectacular. Mel G is pretty ace as the star man, although he is outshined somewhat in Narry B's opinion by the leader of the law enforcers, whose name I have forgotten.

Anywho, the whole things a bit too serious and so I didn't really enjoy it.

Bad!

Shakespeare in Love

Dir: John Madden
Starring: Joseph Fiennes, Ben Affleck, Judi Dench

I rarely get bored during films, mainly cos I'm quite selective about what I watch. How, then, did this slip past my radar and into my dvd tray? Narry B is furious.

I refuse to credit Gwyneth Paltrow on the 'starring' list cos she's so bad in this. It's hard to even hear what she's saying when she's reading Shakespeare. She just seems to read it fast with occasional long pauses, hoping it will go away. Bad form, Mrs. Martin, bad form.

Aside from that, I've never heard such contrived drivel pretending as 'love'. The dialog is hair-tearingly annoying when it comes to Shakespeare's and Viola's relationship. I also found the whole film overlong. It was after one hour that I was getting really bored, and so I checked, to my horror, that there was an entire hour still to go.

Now for the good things: Ben Affleck played the over-confident actor perfectly ("We will show you how we turn Genius... into Legend"), and even Prince-lookalike Joseph Fiennes pulled off a cheeky Shakespeare quite well. Geoffrey Rush, despite having some clunky lines, was likable as ever. In fact, the supporting cast was excellent (Judi Dench, Colin Firth etc).

On top of that, there were at least two laugh out loud moments - there should be far more for something that purports to be a comedy, but they're still worth mentioning.

Rating: Bad!

The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift

Dir: Justin Lin
Starring: Some people and some assorted hotties

I don't know why I punish myself so much. Looking over my recent reviews, I've been watching an awful lot of dross lately. The dross season continues with the adrenaline fuelled Tokyo Drift.

A guy in America gets into trouble with the law for driving too fast and is implausibly sent to Tokyo to live with his father. And some other stuff. The story is awful - there's even some self-discovery crapola that somehow makes it's way in there.

The cars are quite special, though. There's a lot of tyre squealing, engine revving and more drifting than a hobo in depression era US. If you like cars, have no brain, and want to see a bit of Tokyo, then sit back and enjoy the third in the over-stretched Fast and Furious series.

I apologise to my readers for reviewing turd-films lately - Narry Borman will monitor the quality of his film selection from now on. His current personal DVD shopper, one Ronathan Joss, has been fired - but that was more to do with prank phone calls than DVD choices.

Bad!

Drillbit Taylor

Dir: Steven Brill
Starring: Owen Wilson and thee annoying kids
Year: 2008

I normally start my reviews with a lengthy story that is sometimes not even connected to the film, but for Drillbit Taylor I'll get straight to the point: it's unbelievably bad.

Owen Wilson is a funny guy, he's got funny in his bones. But he's used sparingly in Drillbit, and the lead roles actually go to three of the most annoying and unlikable young actors in cinema history. Not a good basis for a film. Not one of them can do comedy, and it actually just leaves you feeling a bit awkward.

There are three of my most hated cliches in this film:

1. Random violence is funny
2. Asian girls are desperate
3. There are rules to being cool in high school

Whoever wrote this script should stop. Just stop! Get another job where your cliches don't disturb Narry Borman, for he rejects your film from the pages of cinema history.

Bad!

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Dir: Tom Shadyac
Starring: Jim Carrey, Courtney Cox

Narry Borman usually watches the most tasteful films. But the recent viewing of Dumb and Dumber has melted his brain, so he again watched a crass comedy; Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

It's not a bad film it's just that... let me re-phrase that. It is a bad film. Ace Ventura is bad. It's no good. I didn't like it. Sure, the story about a psychotic, cross-dressing American footballer made no sense (which I applaud), but the comedy is light - endless catchphrases and impressions, backed by 'rock' guitaristry that smacks of 1992-95.

Carrey provides a few moments of magic, of course, most notably the search for the dolphin inside the millionaire's mansion - the pointless espionage scene is golden. But the ending is frankly disturbing. Why his 'winky' is on backwards bemuses the Borman more than anything.

Bad!