Blade Runner 2049

Alright, you lot, gather 'round! Your resident curmudgeon, Narry B, here, fresh off a two-hour bout with existential dread courtesy of Blade Runner 2049. Buckle up, because this review's gonna be bleaker than a London fog.

Look, nobody expected this sequel to outshine the original. Ridley Scott's masterpiece is up there with the crown jewels, ya dig? But Denis Villeneuve, bless his French heart, has crafted a damn fine piece of neo-noir sci-fi filth.

The cinematography? Top-notch. Roger Deakins, the man with an eye sharper than a replicant's razor, has cooked up a future Los Angeles that's like a Hieronymus Bosch fever dream dipped in battery acid. Think rotting skyscrapers clawing at a smog-choked sky, holographic ads flogging noodles brighter than a supernova – it's enough to make you nostalgic for a good old-fashioned nuclear winter.

Now, the story? It's about as fast-paced as a hungover sloth. If you're after a thrill-a-minute space opera, then bugger off and watch the telly. This is all about atmosphere, thicker than the dust bunnies in your nan's attic. It's about what makes us tick, or in this case, whir and whirr, in a world where replicants are about as disposable as a tissue after a particularly nasty cold.

Is it perfect? No, not by a long shot. Slower than a one-legged dog on valium in parts, and some of the characters about as deep as a puddle after a summer sprinkle. But the visuals? Blimey, the visuals! They'll punch you in the retinas harder than a rogue replicant right before they snap.

So, for all you sci-fi aficionados out there, if you fancy a film that'll leave you pondering the meaning of life (or lack thereof) while simultaneously questioning your own taste in interior design, then Blade Runner 2049 is your cinematic cyanide capsule. Just don't come crying to me when you end up having existential dread for breakfast. You've been warned.

(Written by Gemini)

Narry Borman Has Moved to Instagram

Narry B, in classic NB style, has moved to Instagram.

Writing a full blog post is too time consuming for this old hound.

Instagram me out:

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Secrets in Their Eyes / El Secreto en Sus Ojos

Dir: Juan Jose Campanella
Starring: Ricardo Darin, Soledad Vilamil

You've gotta love a bit of Darin. He's a cool chap and a good actor. He worked extensively with Campanella, and Secrets is one of their most well-reputed works. And NB has to admit he was impressed. The core story is a bit raw, but it pulls off that mystery thriller vibe with great plumpness.

There are few strange directions; the character of the drunk Sandoval is a bit inconsistent, and the final scene is unnecessarily uplifting. But otherwise its a solid film that pulls off multiple jumps in time with great plumpness, and that clearly had some influence of True Detective in terms of tone.

Rating: Good

Umbrellas of Cherbourg / Les Parapluies de Cherbourg

Dir: Jacques Demy
Music: Michel Legrand
Starring: Neno Castelnuovo, Catherine Deneueveueve

Yes, yes, yes! Narry B finally has another musical to add to his list of two "NB approved musicals."

There are so many reasons why Cherbourg works well: Legrand's excellent score, the fact that the plot and the lyrics are not overly-dramatic despite being serious, and, above all, the amazing wallpaper.

Great wallpaper

One of the key features of Cherbourg is that the lyrics are almost like a film script that is sung as a coincidence. So it comes across as some kind of bizarro world where everyone sings instead of talks. Which is a very different thing to singing little rhymes and then breaking into talking for no reason.

Beyond just the lovable artistry of this film, there is also a powerful message about love, life and umbrellas. Truly, this is a masterpiece of the genre.

Did I mention it has great wallpaper too?

Rating: Paraplui-tastic

Pollock

Dir: Ed Harris
Starring: Ed Harris

Listen up Ed Harris: Biopics should not try to cover too much time! It's impossible to condense a man's life into two hours, much less something so full of energy and creativity as Jackson Pollock. What you end up with is a watery unengaging film that doesn't bring you any closer to the artist.

It's a fatal flaw for a biopic, but Ed Harris made it.

Conversely, it's well made in terms of costumes and sets, etc., and it's well acted and well cast. But the overriding feeling is one of dilution and flimsiness.

Rating: Ed Harris

Zoolander 2

Dir: Ben Stiller
Starring: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson

NB is mystified as to how Hollywood manages to become ever more commercial. Product placement and pointless celebrity cameos make a lot of modern films feel like propaganda tools more than works of ART. Jurassic World had some of the clumsiest product placement Narry has ever seen. But Zoolander 2 is right up there with it. It also falls foul of that "introducing a celebrity is funny in itself" schmuck that bears no weight whatsoever. Admittedly, Keifer Sufferland is pretty funny, but the rest of the celeb cameos are really misguided; especially Sting's pointless appearance. Boo! Boooooo!

There are some gags that work quite well, as you would expect from a "comedy film." But there's also a lot of self-referential, painfully commercial, woefully unfunny elements that will ensure that Zoolander 2 does not hold up well over time.

Rating: 6/12

Sanjuro

Mifune looking quite cool... and

strangely akin to NB's brother in law

Dir: Kurosawa
Starring: Mifune... AND Nakadai!!

WhaWhaaaa? Kurosawa and Mifune... and Nakadai all together?!! How can you go wrong? You can't! This is a classic of Japanese samurai films, one of Kurosawa's finest works (it's among his "tighter," more compact works) and features great performances by both Mifune and Nakadai (as if that needed saying).

One of the things NB loves about Japanese cinema is, like Japanese comedy, the way it builds up, delivering its punchline at the end, although maybe "bloodline" would be a more apposite word in this case. Not that Sanjuro is an overly violent film... but the final scene is so incredible in its intensity that NB had to watch the scene twice.

Rating: Great!