Noah

"Oooooh no. I've forgotten how to act"

Dir: Darren Aronofsky
Starring: Russell Crowe

Is there any event in the history of humanity as fascinating as the flood? Although we're talking ancient history, the impact of the flood is still palpable today. Furthermore, the antediluvian world seems to have been, by all accounts, a place vastly different to the one we know today in terms of topography, technology and culture.

Narry Borman fully understands, then, why Darren A chose to make a film on this subject, and why he combined a variety of flood facts and myths to create his story of Noah. What NB does not understand is why the result is so bad.

Part of the problem is that no one in this film puts in a good performance except for Russell Crowe and Anthony Hopkins. Ray Winstone and the feller who played Shem should be singled out for particularly bad acting. Booo!

The other part of the problem is that, while the first half of the film has an interesting slow build up, the second half of the film destroys all of that good work by adding unnecessary, over-complicated and pointless twists to the plot, such as the stowaway on the ark and Noah's insistence that humans should not reproduce. What rot.

Probably the best idea in the film is that the animals hibernated during the long sojourn on the ark. NB fully subscribes to this idea. NB also recommends that you hibernate through the screening of this poorly executed flick if forced to watch it by a "Christian" or by a "Teacher" at "School" who will inevitably consider the film to be "open-minded" and "fair"nopah.

Rating: Bad